So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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