On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
