You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
