so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Bring me that man meat
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
