I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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