this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
