You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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