I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
