I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
