I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
