We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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