so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
