You just made me feel so damn special
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize