Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i am craving dick and cupcakes
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
