he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
