Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
