my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
