Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
