If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
