People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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