K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize