he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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