Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
