I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You left your phone here
Wait...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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