I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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