the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize