I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
