So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
