I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
