before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
