In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just had sex on a roof
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
