They should really pass out barf bags in church
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize