The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize