my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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