Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
