he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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