i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
