Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Shame is for Republicans.
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