I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
