i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
