He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize