drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
