ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We don't watch enough power rangers
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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