she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
