just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize