I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
