Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
