Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
