No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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