I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
