We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize