don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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