did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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