Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
