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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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