Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
