I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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