Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
