Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
