I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Drunk is not a location!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
