a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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