at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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