I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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