I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
