nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
