by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
