dude i'm inner monologue high
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
