You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
