I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
