I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
