rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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