Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
