For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize