Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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