After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize