you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
