there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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