census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
