why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
