batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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