Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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