with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
