Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he was CRYING into my vagina
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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