While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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