obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if only i could text you this smell
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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