Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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