I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
