I smell stomach acid.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
