Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
