if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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