beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
