Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
