he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize