Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
