Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
