just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
